The Problem With Your Fitness Tracker

Chances are if you are reading this, you have a fitness tracker. If not, I’m sure you have your own opinion about them because they seem to be everywhere you look nowadays. However, let me ask you this, how many times have you checked your watch today? Every hour, every five minutes…? After reading Robyn’s article it got me thinking and I wanted to voice my opinion on the topic.

You see, originally these glamorized fitness trackers were made to encourage people to be more active. Majority of Americans spend their entire day at a sedentary desk job and if they are wearing a FitBit they are probably going to feel more entitled to “get in their steps” for the day. But when does something turn from a healthy habit into a compulsive ritual?

Lets take a step back and look at the other majority of people buying them. Runners, athletes, kids as young as 10, and unfortunately people struggling with eating disorders are using these as well. Does that mean someone 20 pounds underweight needs to have the same fitness goals as someone 50 pounds overweight? Absolutely not. These so-called health standards of getting “10 thousand steps a day” to be considered a “healthy” adult is not variable. What if someone didn’t reach that 10K step goal? Does that automatically mean they are worth less…?

I fell into the trap. My boyfriend got me a new FitBit a couple months ago and of course I have felt obligated to wear it. But I started noticing a trend as I religiously put it on my wrist every morning, it started becoming obsessive. If I didn’t wear it, I felt like a part of me was missing. When I didn’t get a certain amount of steps in a day, I felt guilt. GUILT. OVER A NUMBER. A STUPID WATCH. Why should I let some inanimate object place even more stress in my life than I already have to deal with?! Anxiety and guilt should never be associated with exercise or your self-worth. Just because you move more on one day and less the next is totally NORMAL. Yeah, that’s right. It’s actually HEALTHY to not always be go-go-go every day. Not only for your physical health but for your mental health too. I am 100% for living a healthy lifestyle, but do I think a fitness tracker is good for everyone? Absolutely not.

Fitness is not an obligation. It’s not about steps. It’s not about an intense workout every day. It’s about listening to your body and letting that be the determinate of how you choose to move. You don’t need a watch. You don’t need to track. You just need to live.

I challenge whoever feels the need to wear one everyday to take it off. Doesn’t have to be forever, just a day… or two…. a week maybe. See how you feel. Maybe you will have less anxiety. Maybe you will be more in tune with your body. Maybe, just maybe you will be more focused on other things that you actually feel happier. C’mon, you can do it.

 

 

What happens when you don’t take action

Well fuck.
It all started with an innocent visit to the doctors. I had scheduled a bone density scan because after 5 years of no menstrual cycle due to my past of restrictive eating I was curious to see how my bones were doing, but when I heard the words “Em, you have osteoporosis”, my heart sank. She told me a 90 year old woman came in earlier that day and that her bones were stronger than mine.

I cannot even explain what I was feeling because all I could think about was my future. “What could this possibly mean for me now”, “Will I ever truly be able to have kids”, “What if I won’t be able to lift anymore”, “Am I going to be in a wheelchair by age 40”? All of these thoughts rushed to my mind and I felt numb.

Osteoporosis is incurable. While I am only 19 years old, I have some years left to reverse some of it, however, a lot of damage is already done and that is something I can never go back and fix. Bones stop forming when you are 30 years of age. I want to say I’m sorry, sorry for letting you all down, but I shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone. I am actually sorry to myself for not taking my recovery more seriously and not taking action sooner. I had no idea this was going to catch up to me in the short period I had with my eating disorder, but THAT’S ALL IT TAKES.

Disclaimer: I have been nourishing my body well for over 2 years now, but if your body is not at it’s “happy weight”- health problems can most definitely arise even if you do not known about it.

If you are without a period for whatever reason, take this as your warning sign. A wake up call. FIX IT. Don’t wait until next year when you see the doctor to find this out. You NEED your period. Women need that estrogen to build healthy bones, just eating more calcium will not work because not all of that is actually absorbed by the body.

So what am I going to do?

I will gain the weight that should have been gained a long, long time ago(10-15 more lbs at least). At this point I don’t even care if I gain fat or muscle, because you need that fat to get a healthy period anyways. I will no longer be that small, shredded girl I have allowed myself to be and to be completely honest that does scare me a little- but not nearly as much as living with brittle bones my whole life. My body does NOT define who I am as a person. I will continue to weight lift because the doctor recommended that for healthy bones but with some modifications. I am taking this calcium supplement (500mg 2X DAY) plus I am going to go on birth control for a little while to give my body some estrogen until I gain a few more pounds. Note: I am not suggesting to go on the pill to cure your problems, this is temporary until my body is ready to start making its own hormones. If given circumstances weren’t as severe I would not go on birth control. I will be eating a TON more than I already have been.

I plan to distance myself from certain people via social media as it can be very unmotivating to see someone eating like a 5 year old while I am eating a whole pizza myself. I understand some will feel the need to unfollow me, but ask yourself this… what if I’m not the only one? What if that so called “healthy living” blogger you adore has it too but they fail to share. This is not something that is easy to be open about but I see no reason to hide it away.

I am sick & tired of how many people let this be silent and go about their lives like it’s “no big deal”- it’s a HUGE deal. Did you know that not having your period doesn’t just affect your bones? Amenorrhea can increase your risk of endometrial cancer as well as heart disease.

I am taking this as another obstacle that God has thrown my way because He knows I can do it. I CAN overcome this and I will be okay. I am surrendering to Him and trusting this process. You can get anything you want in life if you are willing to make difficult sacrifices and go against the mainstream. I am remaining faithful and I do believe I can fix this the best way I can.

If you read through all of this, thank you. I hope this message gets across to anyone dealing with amenorrhea and that you start getting help now. I am always here to talk as well, just email me at emlove814@gmail.com.

❤ ❤ ❤

9 Things That Have Been Making Me Happy

Lately I have been spending time reflecting on the little things. Those little occurrences that happen in a day end up bringing a whole lot more meaning to my life than big events. I think its important to recognize the things that make you smile, the things that make your heart happy, and the people that bring about all those wonderful feelings. Here are some that have been bringing me happiness:

  1. Brunch dates with my brother

We checked out this place in Nashville called Fido. We decided on breakfast bagel sammies- mine had scrambled eggs, cheese, and veggie sausage! Their iced americano was proabably the strongest coffee I ever did taste.

2. Going to the drive-in

My parents convinced me to go see Wonder Woman, which I was hesitant because action movies aren’t my hype. Glad I went because it turned out being really good! My favorite part was the ride back- my mom and I laid in the back of my dads truck and watched the stars as we drove home.

3. Making someone that I love smile

I surprised my dad with an early Father’s Day gift a couple days beforehand. I got a bunch of his favorite goodies and was just too excited to wait to give it to him. The card I wrote him even got him teary eyed! And yes that is a poblano pepper with lips on a stick…

4. Letters from Cody

Having my boyfriend gone the entire summer at bootcamp is hard. I miss him- but getting cute letters from him really makes my day.

5. Big cereal bowls

Okay, don’t judge but cheerios have been my jam recently. I really love “protein cereal” where you just add some protein powder to your cereal with almond milk, especially chocolate because its like chocolate milk 😉 But I also love it with just some sliced nanners up in there!

6. Morning walks

I have always been the person to get up early to get my workout in first thing. But recently I have been enjoying a slower morning, starting with a nice walk in the park or my neighboorhood instead. Not only because it’s before it’s scorching hot but also because it wakes my body up and I love how quiet it is.

7. Binge watching Netflix

It feels like forever since this series was on and I am taking full advantage of summer break to allow myself to binge watch Netflix series. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

8. Recipe testing!

I have totally been slacking on recipe testing and posting on this blog! Something I want to do more of now that I have time. I made these delicious chocolate peanut butter energy balls the other day. Recipe can be found on my Instagram @emmys.yummys!

9. Feeling confident in my skin

It has taken so many years of trying to fully love myself. I still am working on it daily. But to be able to look in a mirror and not pick myself apart is like a dream come true. I feel free. Choosing recovery is the best decision of my life.

And of course these are just some of the great things I have been appreciating lately. Long phone calls with friends, swimming in my pool on 90 degree days, and waking up to my kitty lying on my tummy brings me joy like no other ❤

So tell me, what/who has been making your life happy lately?

 

It’s Okay To Struggle

I want to be as honest as I can – I struggle. More often than I would like to admit sometimes. I don’t know why but when my life isn’t going the way I envision it or I am piled with stress from every direction, I can’t help but feel a fog come over me. As many of you may know that I used to deal with eating issues, I can gladly say I have that under control completely. I never let my negative feelings interfere with how or what I choose to eat. However, I am one to struggle with overwhelming anxiety and sometimes depressing thoughts…

Today I was sitting in my room and really thought to myself, “my life has no purpose”. I started crying after that because the immense feelings of rejection and loneliness hit me like a bag of cats. Emotional much? Yes. Because I am naturally an introvert, it is so easy for me to spend the entire day by myself without a problem. But when it becomes day after day, I can’t help but feel empty. Now, don’t get me wrong- I become a total extrovert when I am finally around my friends or a group of people, but with a lot of emotional self-image issues I have been dealing with lately, I haven’t even had the motivation to reach out to others.

I do see the problem here- I’m too comfortable being alone. And this is something that I have to change. There is nothing wrong with spending some time with yourself, but there comes a point you have to balance it out, let loose, and be around those that bring you joy.

I have made goals for myself to hang out with my friends at least every other day this week and to even talk to random strangers every day. Sometimes even the smallest conversations with others can make the biggest difference in the course of the day.

I wiped my tears. I will stop feeling sorry for myself. I will not let my negative self-image hold me back from being the REAL me. Because I realize that the more I surround myself with genuine people that make me laugh, all the other stuff becomes quiet. And I can breathe again. My life does indeed have purpose. God does have a plan for me even if I cannot see it yet. I will have faith ❤

“Comfort zones are great places to be, but nothing ever grows there.”

Weekly Recap: Being More Mindful

Is it just me or has this year completely flown by? I mean it’s November now but just last week it was 80 degrees… Definitely took me by surprise when I woke up this morning to 40 degree chills. Just wanted to share my completely mindful, intuitive, stress-free weekend with you all! If you know me well enough you would know I am the biggest planner… but sometimes it’s good to not plan but just go with the flow. You never know what kind of stuff you’ll find yourself doing!

My friend, Jenny and I tried a hot yoga class for the first time. I don’t normally sweat, like EVER, but sweet Jesus, there was sweat droplets flying off! Never have I ever been this drenched, even Jenny who is a runner said this was the most she sweat. The class wasn’t too difficult itself as far as the poses because I am overall pretty flexible… but because it was over 100 degrees I’d say that changes things.

After yoga (and a much needed shower), we found a park. Then we had a picnic on it and talked about life for a while because we just deep like that 😉

Please applaud my dearest friend’s parking. She tried.

But apparently if you do this so often, you get letters from fellow humans from the back of a condom package….

Twas a really relaxing Saturday. Not stressing about finals or even tomorrow’s troubles. Just being present and enjoying the day.

On Sunday, I was visited by my parents. Cannot emphasize enough how blessed I am to have them. They literally make my day anytime they come because family means everything to me. Oh, and they buy me food which is a perk 🙂

I usually have a hard time with last minute things but I got together with a group of people and went bowling to celebrate the end of America on Election Day. We had no class sometimes you just gotta make the best out of a rainy day. Fun fact: I was better at bowling when I was 10.

Overall, I am getting better at trusting life’s curve balls and making the most of tough situations. It helps when I laugh at myself but sometimes it isn’t enough. I laugh, I cry because I am not perfect and not every day will be. I think one of the most interesting things about life is that we all have inner demons but all of it can be forgotten when you surround yourself with the ones that make you feel good.

 

Who in your life are YOU thankful for?

Have you tried hot yoga before?

Afraid Of The Unknown

Fear. It’s an  unsatisfying emotion caused by believing that something bad will happen. We as humans are able to tell when there is a threat, whether that be internal or external. But why are certain things more fearful to some  while others may deem no threat at all?

Me, being the totally Type A, plan-it-all-out, perfectionist struggle with fearing the unknown. There are many aspects of my life that I cannot simply write down in stone and plan out. I have no flippin idea where my life will be in 5 years, in 1 year, and not even in 6 months from now. Because change is inevitable and what my life has shown me so far is that things don’t always go according to plan. So, knowing this, why do I stress myself out over the little things?

I don’t know why. I think the wires in my brain got crossed somehow before I was born and I naturally tend to overthink every little thing…. And I need to work on that. I need to continue to work on practicing more of the things I preach to others. Because it can be so easy to give advice and fail to include yourself…..

Besides my future, I will admit that I am afraid of failure. In so many parts of my life that I could go on for longer than I want to make this post….

But what would I do if I wasn’t so afraid?

Well, for starters I would probably be the most stress-free person you would meet. I would  be way more spontaneous. I wouldn’t settle for anything less than what makes me happy. When I compare how I am doing now than to a year ago, I have made tremendous progress. However, little setbacks like to creep in if I am not careful. But that’s okay. It is OKAY to have “mental funks” as long as you can recognize them and respond in the best way possible.

I don’t want to fear anymore. I want to be fearless and conquer all the things I hold back from myself. Because life shouldn’t be lived worrying about things out of your control. It should be spent cherishing every breathing moment because every second of the day is very precious. I don’t want to take my health for granted. There are so many people out there who have it worse. I want to be more spontaneous in my actions every single day and not freak the hell out if something changes. There is a reason why things happen the way they do even if we don’t always have the answers why.

I will always be a person that values structure and a schedule, but there comes a point where I have to learn to balance it and give myself grace some days. Totally wing it and go with the flow of things. Some of my best memories are the ones that weren’t planned.

Here’s to leaving my comfort zone.

So tell me,

Are you a planner or a go-with-the-flow person?

What is your favorite way to de-stress?

 

 

Birthday Weekend Recap

Here I am, dreaming about this delicious white chocolate cake batter froyo with nutter butters, cookie dough, Reese’s, and almonds as I sit here (froyoless).

As some of you may know, my birthday was yesterday and to celebrate, my parents took me to Chattanooga for the weekend! Now remember that I haven’t had a “vacation” this whole summer because of working full time at Cracker Barrel (thank the heavens I am done).

Saturday we spent touring Ruby Falls which is basically an underground waterfall that you have to walk about a mile inside a mountain to see. Quite fascinating and very chilly under there!

We then visited Lookout Mountain. This is me and my silly dad who took several tries before successfully smiling in this picture.

 

 

 

And this is my momma and I at the restaurant we stuffed our mouths with delicious pasta and chicken!

img_6253The next day we went to Chattanooga Aquarium! I haven’t been there since middle school but it was definitely an euphoric adventure. Didn’t take that many pictures because my battery was low but I will say that the otters were my favorite part 🙂

Here’s ya girl with a butterfly. I laugh because the only reason it’s on my finger is because it had a broken wing… We the same.

Overall, my mentality this weekend was amazing. I didn’t give a damn what I ate and didn’t track a thing. Not once did I exercise because the walking around we did and that’s okay. No matter who you are, you deserve to fully enjoy a weekend away. No stress or worries about the future, just focus on the present. Laugh, try new things, explore, and be there with your loved ones. I am proud of the progress I have made this past year and thrilled to see how it will be next year.

So tell me,

What is your ideal weekend getaway?

Ultimate froyo topping?

What I’ve Been Loving Lately

I’ve been taking time lately to appreciate the little things I am blessed with.

What has been making me happy?

pupp

  1. My puppy. I was home by myself for a weekend and she kept me company and we cuddled and watched movies together. Talk about a great best friend.

 

 

2.Our new hammock! We have been wanting to get one for a while and we finally did. It really is so peaceful and calming.

hammock

3. Maple Sunflower Seed Butter. Yes, so much yes. If you haven’t had sunflower seed butter before it’s exactly how you would expect it to taste- like sunflower seeds. Except it’s creamy and this one has a sweet and salty touch! Perfection on my oatmeal ❤

maple

4. Generosity. If you don’t know by now I am a waitress and a lot of the times I do not get tips from people which really blows since that’s where all my money for the day comes from. The other night I had a really nice couple that made conversation with me and when I went to bus the table once they were done, they gave me $50 in person. I literally didn’t even know what to say. I told them I couldn’t take it considering it was more than their meal but they refused to take it back. It’s little things like that seriously can make someone’s day.

5. SUSHI. Becoming a slow addiction and severe cravings lately. I LOVE the ones with avocado in it like the spicy tuna or salmon roll.

6. Morning naps. I don’t know why but I always wake up super early (like6-6:30 and sometimes even earlier). My body just refuses to sleep past that and it’s sometimes very frustrating. But that doesn’t stop me from taking a morning nap around 10 if needed and feels so refreshing on my days off!

7. Pretty Little Liars. I am a die hard fan of The Walking Dead and OITNB but since I finished those recently, my mom and I have been starting PLL! Only on season 3 but that’s just another reason I can binge watch TV 😉

8. Long nature walks/jogs. Usually I like to go on a long walk with my mom so we can talk and stuff but just this morning I went on a little jog and it felt SO PEACEFUL. Not only was the weather not too hot or humid but it had just rained last night so I could smell the wet asphalt the whole time. I spent that time focusing on my breathing and maintaining a slow, easy pace. I felt like a champ after because if you know me… running isn’t my thing, haha 🙂


 9. High-top converse. I have always been into the low-top look but ever since I got my new white high-tops I really am starting to dig em!

10. Iced Coffee. I have never been a huge caffeine of coffee person but its growing on me. I really appreciate the little boost when needed and cold coffee is just really refreshing. I got a premade one at Walmart because I heard cold brew is a nice blend and it definitely has a kick with 95mg of caffeine!

Tell me,

What’s something YOU are loving lately?

Iced coffee or hot coffee?

Dealing With Not Being The “Small” One

Every day when I look into the mirror, I see a changed woman. I am not longer a girl. I have to unbutton my shorts instead of sliding them on. My clothes fit more snug. I have a little crease where my armpit meets my tank top. I have a new layer protecting my belly.


But all these little things I see in the mirror reflect someone that is strong. No, I’m not egotistical to admit that. I am strong. I never gave up. I didn’t let anorexia take my life. And this is the woman that grew from it.

Sometimes it does make a situation uncomfortable when I look at other girls who look smaller than me. I will admit I let my self-consciousness creep in and it makes me feel insecure. But then I remember that they may be thinking the same thing about me. We often are so critical of ourselves that we forget how other people perceive us. You don’t need to seek reassurance from ANYONE. Instead, learn to do it for yourself. Take control over your own life and own up to it!

I don’t want to be remembered as a small, frail or weak girl. Down the line, being small is not what makes an impact on others lives… not even your own. Being healthy gives you personality, desires, and more passion than any eating disorder will let you have.

So, I’m not the “smallest” girl anymore. When people see me, they would have never known what I had gone through, and that is absolutely refreshing. Because I am not my past. I will not make my past or recovery my lifestyle. I am who I am today and from here on out I will always be striving to be a better version of myself. I will find new passions and hobbies. I will make a shit ton of mistakes but I will pick myself up and try again.

I am relearning to love myself, just as when I was a little kid. Remember those days? When the little pooch on your stomach never crossed your mind? When all you looked forward to was getting an extra scoop of ice cream with your family? When you had the most self-confidence and spoke your mind like most little kids do? Not saying you have to be a little kid or the person you were before, just know that you CAN recreate yourself and be happy, regardless of your size.

 

Balancing Mental & Physical Well-being

Hey guys! I decided to pop in and give a little update on myself since it’s been a hot minute since I blogged. Something I have been really trying to work on lately is my mental and physical well-being and trying to figure out what is right for ME.

For years I spent my time scrolling through social media and the Web to figure out what exactly “healthy” meant. Was it going for a run every day? Lifting weights 5 times a week? Eating only chicken and broccoli? Counting macros?

Want to know what I learned from all of this? Healthy means something different for each individual.

To me, health isn’t just what you are doing, it’s also about what you are thinking and saying. To me, eating only chicken, egg whites and veggies isn’t healthy- for my own physical and mental well-being. For me, running a lot is not healthy simply because I don’t really love it nor should I be doing it until I figure out what’s wrong with my hormones.

Right now healthy means doing what I TRULY want. If that means lounging around all day,

mac

so be it. If that means eating a box of mac and cheese to myself for lunch,

so be it. I am tired of feeling like I “SHOULD” be doing something that is working for someone else.

Life is about discovery, adventure, and experiences. Not wasting your time trying to mold yourself to be like someone else. I am trying to do what fulfills ME for once.

What my workouts have consisted of this week:

Monday: chest/triceps/core

Tuesday: long trail walk with some jogging

Wednesday: back/biceps

Thursday: rest/stretching

Friday: rest

Saturday: 45 leg workout with my mom (still sore…)

Sunday: leisurely swimming in my pool

May not seem like much to some people but I’m not here to try to impress anyone. I don’t like to workout on days that I go to work in the morning because my job is mentally and physically draining and I do not have the energy for it.

shop

Excuse me while I laugh my ass off at this typical “fit girl” pose… lighting was flattering.

Mentally I have been up & down. I still sometimes struggle with being lazy on some days but I know that rest is very important and so is keeping stress levels down.

So tell me…

What is something you truly love to do?

Who is someone you love to workout with?