Weekly Recap: Being More Mindful

Is it just me or has this year completely flown by? I mean it’s November now but just last week it was 80 degrees… Definitely took me by surprise when I woke up this morning to 40 degree chills. Just wanted to share my completely mindful, intuitive, stress-free weekend with you all! If you know me well enough you would know I am the biggest planner… but sometimes it’s good to not plan but just go with the flow. You never know what kind of stuff you’ll find yourself doing!

My friend, Jenny and I tried a hot yoga class for the first time. I don’t normally sweat, like EVER, but sweet Jesus, there was sweat droplets flying off! Never have I ever been this drenched, even Jenny who is a runner said this was the most she sweat. The class wasn’t too difficult itself as far as the poses because I am overall pretty flexible… but because it was over 100 degrees I’d say that changes things.

After yoga (and a much needed shower), we found a park. Then we had a picnic on it and talked about life for a while because we just deep like that 😉

Please applaud my dearest friend’s parking. She tried.

But apparently if you do this so often, you get letters from fellow humans from the back of a condom package….

Twas a really relaxing Saturday. Not stressing about finals or even tomorrow’s troubles. Just being present and enjoying the day.

On Sunday, I was visited by my parents. Cannot emphasize enough how blessed I am to have them. They literally make my day anytime they come because family means everything to me. Oh, and they buy me food which is a perk 🙂

I usually have a hard time with last minute things but I got together with a group of people and went bowling to celebrate the end of America on Election Day. We had no class sometimes you just gotta make the best out of a rainy day. Fun fact: I was better at bowling when I was 10.

Overall, I am getting better at trusting life’s curve balls and making the most of tough situations. It helps when I laugh at myself but sometimes it isn’t enough. I laugh, I cry because I am not perfect and not every day will be. I think one of the most interesting things about life is that we all have inner demons but all of it can be forgotten when you surround yourself with the ones that make you feel good.

 

Who in your life are YOU thankful for?

Have you tried hot yoga before?

When Exercise Is Not Healthy

If you have been following me for a while, you might be familiar with my story. While I like to consider myself fully recovered- I recently had to take a second look at that.

For the longest time, I have maintained a weight that is not healthy enough for me. I may look like your average runner or a petite built girl but I really do not believe this is where my body functions best. You see, we all have a genetic set point. This is where our bodies like to be, they function the best, and hormones are regulated normally.

I am not there- and haven’t been since I was 13. I became comfortable but doesn’t mean it is okay to continue living my life under my body’s set point. That’s not a true recovery and if I kept that up, I may never have a chance to have kids.

What’s worse? I turned to exercise.

It made me feel good. Powerful. It gave me a hobby and a passion…. but at what point does this become an obsession in disguise?

When you start thinking about it all day. When you feel anxious for not going that day. You use it as a way to maintain your shape. When you can’t concentrate on anything else because you just feel like moving. Fear, fear,fear. It’s not okay. And I admit to all of these. And that’s why I stopped.

No lifting weights. This may not seem like an “intense” exercise like cardio but it still places a lot of stress on the body. Positive stress some may say, but not for someone with a restrictive history and who’s body is not functioning the way it should be. Too much stress of any kind and not having enough fat on your body is totally not okay for a woman. I was waking up most mornings at 5 am and training fasted. I still was feeding my body, just not enough.

If this is a game, I’m done playing.

It’s been 10 days without it and here’s what I has happened: NOTHING. I have been eating WAY more, resting WAY more, and actually concentrating on things in my life that do matter. At first, my anxiety sky rocketed and I had some shitty days… but after the first week I started to feel okay. My body didn’t blow up. I didn’t gain a bunch of weight despite eating as much as I have. As much as it’s hard to admit this, my mind and body are actually kind of enjoying this break. It’s nice to not stress about getting up and rushing through my workout before class, not being on my specific time schedule, being more mindful about the things I do throughout the day, nourishing my body with all the food, and reminding myself that change may be hard, but in the end it will be so worth it.

I want to love my body. I want to accept that it is going to change a lot throughout my lifetime but that’s normal. I will accept that people may notice me bigger but why the hell should that matter? They have no room to judge for all that I have put my body through. The people in my life that truly matter are the ones that see beyond my physical appearance and love me for who I am.

This article I read the other night was completely eye-opening and motivates me to keep doing what I am doing: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brave-girl-eating/201008/shes-not-skinny-is-she

Another great read that I think ANYONE will eating issues, body image issues, exercise addiction, so on… should read this:

https://www.edinstitute.org/paper/2013/2/26/exercise-ii-insidious-activity

It is a longer read but so informational and something I wish I took more serious before. There are also several other articles on this site that are tremendously true and helpful for those recovering.

Your health is not a joke. Take it serious and be okay with asking for help.

Always feel free to email me ❤

emlove814@gmail.com

 

 

Afraid Of The Unknown

Fear. It’s an  unsatisfying emotion caused by believing that something bad will happen. We as humans are able to tell when there is a threat, whether that be internal or external. But why are certain things more fearful to some  while others may deem no threat at all?

Me, being the totally Type A, plan-it-all-out, perfectionist struggle with fearing the unknown. There are many aspects of my life that I cannot simply write down in stone and plan out. I have no flippin idea where my life will be in 5 years, in 1 year, and not even in 6 months from now. Because change is inevitable and what my life has shown me so far is that things don’t always go according to plan. So, knowing this, why do I stress myself out over the little things?

I don’t know why. I think the wires in my brain got crossed somehow before I was born and I naturally tend to overthink every little thing…. And I need to work on that. I need to continue to work on practicing more of the things I preach to others. Because it can be so easy to give advice and fail to include yourself…..

Besides my future, I will admit that I am afraid of failure. In so many parts of my life that I could go on for longer than I want to make this post….

But what would I do if I wasn’t so afraid?

Well, for starters I would probably be the most stress-free person you would meet. I would  be way more spontaneous. I wouldn’t settle for anything less than what makes me happy. When I compare how I am doing now than to a year ago, I have made tremendous progress. However, little setbacks like to creep in if I am not careful. But that’s okay. It is OKAY to have “mental funks” as long as you can recognize them and respond in the best way possible.

I don’t want to fear anymore. I want to be fearless and conquer all the things I hold back from myself. Because life shouldn’t be lived worrying about things out of your control. It should be spent cherishing every breathing moment because every second of the day is very precious. I don’t want to take my health for granted. There are so many people out there who have it worse. I want to be more spontaneous in my actions every single day and not freak the hell out if something changes. There is a reason why things happen the way they do even if we don’t always have the answers why.

I will always be a person that values structure and a schedule, but there comes a point where I have to learn to balance it and give myself grace some days. Totally wing it and go with the flow of things. Some of my best memories are the ones that weren’t planned.

Here’s to leaving my comfort zone.

So tell me,

Are you a planner or a go-with-the-flow person?

What is your favorite way to de-stress?