It all started when I woke up to a damp, rainy day. I had fully intended the night before to smash my early morning leg day with my mom but my body told me differently in the morning. Instead of the energy and motivation I am so used to having before a workout, I felt sluggish and still not awake. I sometimes take a pre-workout drink with my pre-workout snack but I’m trying to not be so reliant on those. I still put on my shoes and headed to the gym in hopes of energy being regained when I got moving.
We made it to the gym, starting with a 5 minute incline walk and I still didn’t feel 100% when it was time to squat. Needless to say, this resulted in a terrible performance. I could only squat 60 lbs which is a little lighter than what I am used to, only doing 2 sets instead of of the 3 I planned to do. I was with my mom and found myself being snappy towards her which I later apologized for as she did nothing wrong and it’s not fair of me to take my stress out on her. We continued with the rest of the workout and I tried my very best. Towards the end I started feeling shaky so we lowered weight and did more volume work. I will note that I did eat before and always stay hydrated during my workout.
I left feeling like a failure. I tend to be a victim of the comparison game and I just do not understand why I am not getting stronger. I feed myself really well everyday, I am at a healthy weight, I give myself rest days…. But luckily, my mom reassured me that I am doing sooo much better than I was before and to not let a bad workout discourage me.
When I came home I had breakfast and got ready. While I was getting ready I couldn’t help but break out into tears. I felt sad and I didn’t know why. I changed my cute outfit 3 times until I caved and just threw on a T-shirt. Body image was a complete shit storm. TMI but it has a lot to do with waking up bloated and being constipated.
I lay on my bed sobbing like a little girl until I was dehydrated and tears stopped coming out. I pulled myself together and put on some makeup. I stared at myself in the mirror and almost laughed because of the mess I saw. I went to my mom’s room and told her I was breaking out, bloated, wanted my fucking period, and needed to poop. We actually started laughing because I find its sometimes best to laugh in these situations.
A couple hours later we headed out for errands and to grab lunch. Despite my terrible morning, I felt up for a good lunch. We tried Blaze Pizza and I started to feel a little happier. Mine had mozzarella, roasted peppers, spinach, banana peppers(new fave), mushrooms, garlic and oregano. All it all and it was delish!
We returned some things at the mall and while we were checking out I told the cashier she had the most adorable nails. Because she did! They looked professionally done and all glittery. She smiled and I could tell by the way she told us goodbye that my small comment made her happy. Seeing that makes me happy. You can choose to be a total hermit when you are having a bad day or you can try to brighten others… Who knows, you might just get some of that positive energy back 😉
The entire day was on and off with mood swings. I had my highs and lows but I definitely know this has to do with my hormones not being right. Next Tuesday I have an appointment to see a gynecologist who will hopefully refer me to an endocrinologist. I had all the signs and symptoms of having a period but still no luck for me.
I decided to make this more of a longer post so congratulations if you made it this far through. I sometimes like to write because it allows me to reflect and just tell about my day 🙂
What I learned is to not beat myself up over things not in my control. Yesterday just wasn’t my day. What helped get me through it was finding those people that make the day more meaningful and to still be there for support even when I was snappy. Mom, if you are reading this, thanks for putting up with my delusions ❤
Check out my new kicks ;D
I’ve never owned a pair of high tops before.
What do you do on days your hormones are being a bitch?
Ultimate pizza topping?