Exercise Obsessed?

Exercise. It’s what keeps people “healthy” right? Usually, yes it does. But what about if it’s all you think about? What if you can’t go a day without it? Do you start feeling anxious and scared? Do you not allow yourself chocolate or pizza on those days?

If you could say yes to any of those, you may be in the same exact position I was just a couple months ago.

Rewind to the first few months of weight gain (a year and a half ago), I completely cut out exercise, including long walks so I could focus on what needed to be done. Then once my  weight was progressing higher and my vitals were appearing more stable, I introduced walks and lifting a few times a week. Fast forward to a couple months ago when I finally reached a healthy weight. Something changed in my brain. Of course I had made tremendous mental and physical progress but as soon as I realized my body wasn’t starving and depleted, I developed a strange relationship with exercise.

Food was still be eaten like I was used to, but the exercise increased. I almost felt like I HAD to go workout 5-6 days a week. I wanted to gain muscle and start “changing” my new, recovered body into something I tend to see in the media. I started tracking macros and following fitness accounts to find out all I could about fitness just of the idea of having “aesthetics”.  Yes, I am admitting to this because I want to be as transparent as I can with you all.

Tracking macros was both a good and bad experience for me. Since I am going to be majoring in dietetics, I wanted to learn more about food/portion sizes/etc. However, I can see where the obsessions can begin. I am already a perfectionist as it is and knowing every single macro was too much for me. I DO NOT recommend this for anyone recovering from an eating disorder. You know why? You won’t listen to your body fully. Plugging it in and seeing numbers is just as bad as weighing yourself every single hour. You freak out if the numbers aren’t what they are “supposed” to be and it will lead to unnecessary anxiety. Food was not meant to be seen as a certain number. Seriously, you do not need to count macros or follow a certain diet to be healthy and fit. Trust me you don’t! I stopped within the second month of using it and I feel SO MUCH MORE FREE. I haven’t lost any muscle and I don’t force myself to workout when I don’t feel like it.

Now you may be reading this and not agree with me. So be it. I know for a fact not everyone in this world likes me. You are totally entitled to your own opinion and if tracking macros makes you happy, go for it. But ask yourself this. Do you really want to continue that the rest of your life? Are you going to be 70 years old and still be tracking? I know I wont. I’ll be that cool old lady that makes awesome chocolate chip cookies and eats the damn batter with my grand kids.

How did I overcome exercise?

I learned that the human body is fragile and very smart. It doesn’t know the difference between today and tomorrow. If I don’t get off my butt for one day, that means absolutely nothing in terms of how much I am allowed to eat. I learned that I don’t need to do obsessive cardio to have a body I love. I really love taking walks outside. I learned that if I don’t go on a walk today, I always have tomorrow. If I don’t lift weights in the morning, I can still have a nice big breakfast if I want or a big bowl of ice cream at night. I learned that all food is important, whether it’s a protein, carb, or fat. They all play an important role one way or another. I learned that my body likes the same amount (or more) food on rest days than active days. I know that intuitive eating means eating even if I am not hungry but if something sounds good.

I have always loved this picture

Our bodies still need fuel even if we do nothing all day. It is a huge waste of time getting all worked up about having dessert at a get together or trying to plan all your food out. If you force yourself to run even though you know you hate it, why are you doing it? Stop for a second and reevaluate if that’s the way you want to live your life. I promise you won’t die if you stop. Life is about discovery and figuring out where you belong and what your true passions are. It’s refreshing to know that you can choose to live it any way you want to.

Here’s a turtle being all intuitive

Me? I choose to do things that make me feel free and happy. I never would have thought I would have learned so much about myself in the ways I have.

So tell me, what is something you truly love to do?

Are you an intuitive eater?

 

 

Update On Life: Filling The Gap

Hey there guys! I have worked the past three days in a row so today I am going to give y’all a little update on my life and all my nonsense πŸ˜‰ You clicked on this post for a reason, if you don’t want to here a girl talk about her day, this isn’t for you…. Haha, but if you like rambles then you are in the right place.

What’s new with me?

I started a new job… My first job. As a waitress. LOL I know right? How smart of me to start with a mentally and physically exhausting job when I have never worked before! But seriously though, I actually kind of love/hate it. I love it because it keeps me busy, I get to interact with so many new people every day, and I get to bring home money every night from tips! Sometimes I hate it because some of my co-workers are bossy and think I must have the IQ of a walrus. But I block away the hurtful comments because I know they just want me to do my job correctly… but it does get annoying after a while. It’s also absolutely crazy how little we are paid for all the extra work we have to do in the kitchen for what we are paid (I’ll give you a hint: WAY below min wage) The second night I came home and my feet and calves were SO SORE! It was 9:30 when I finally had the chance to eat dinner.

job

If you lost your “dork” I think I may have it… My mom just had to take a picture like it was my first day of school

Now, I am writing so much about this new job because it’s changing me. Strangely in a very good way.

I feel like an adult finally. I feel accomplishment after a day’s work. I am breaking out of my shell and learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers and dealing with criticisms in a non-personal perspective. At first I was very weirded out about eating dinner so late but now I see it as no big deal.

I think the one thing missing from my life before this was having a job. Something to make me feel good and independent. A sense of pride…

listen-to-your-body

I saw where I was headed before I started this job. I was using exercise as my main focus in life. Quite honestly it was beginning to feel like the only hobby I really had anymore and one of the few things I felt “accomplished” about. I am so much more than that. I am not saying exercise is a bad thing… but when it becomes the ONLY thing you look forward to, I would say it might be. With this job to keep me busy, I barely have the energy to go to the gym and workout. I think I’m okay with that too. Why would I want to go and push myself when my body is already sore and aching? THAT would be setting myself up for feeling like a failure. I will wait until I feel like it. There’s no need to plan it out, just let my body decide when it’s ready again.shrug

Another thing. I barely think about food like I used to. Now, I really see it as energy to get me through the day or til I can eat again. I’m not obsessing about how much protein I’m getting to “make gains”. Forget that ! All foods are important for a healthy body. Too much protein actually just comes out in your pee if you are eating too much. Jus sayin’

Instead of looking for low-cal options, I actually look for higher calorie options because it satisfies me better πŸ™‚

I never really notice how much progress I have made in just one year until I write it all out. I cannot believe how much happier and more fulfilled I feel now than I ever have in my whole life. I feel freedom and I truly truly mean that. I look forward to eating a big cheesy slice of pizza, my night snacks, naps, and (imma stop here because all this food talk is making me hungry again I ain’t lying)

pizzaa

me when I’m eating pizza^^

 A couple more quick thoughts before I come to a close:

I am getting an ultrasound this week and blood work to figure out what’s wrong with my hormones.

I started watching The Office again and holy crap I forgot how much I loved that show!

I think I about misspelled every word in this post and I don’t know where my brain is.

I actually really want cold pizza this very second. We have none 😦

I’m also all out of my favorite almond butter and feeling very deprived.

Leave any questions, comments, or whatever is on your mind because I’d love to hear it!

❀ Emmy

G2G Bar Review

Are you good to go? Probably not if you haven’t sunk yo teeth in these magical bars made by Tinkerbell and unicorns. I am not pulling your chain, these are just really fricken good!

G2G is a new company of natural protein bars that contain high protein and healthy fats. The 4 flavors are peanut butter fruit and nut, peanut butter chocolate chip, almond butter fruit and nut, and almond butter chocolate chip. My favorite has to be almond butter fruit and nut because it ran out the fastest. (Oops.) Want to know a few reasons I am addicted?

Besides the fact that they taste like one of those no-bake cookies with chunks of chocolate/raisins, they have no artificial ingredients. This company freshly bakes their bars and sends them out as soon as possible. It’s important to keep these in the fridge for longer shelf life, and who am I kidding, they are even BETTER cold!

g2gSome of the key ingredients are:

Peanut or Almond butter, whey protein isolate, whole oats, flaxseed, coconut oil, honey, vanilla and cinnamon. WOAH, THAT’S A LOT OF SUPERFOODS ❀

g2gbarOne bar has 18g protein alone and also contain heart healthy omega 3’s.

I do not make money off of these but I will share my discount code so YOU can save money. Use: YUMMY at checkout to get 20% off your order! (Just click on the link G2G above) Trust me, you want to try these. They are perfect as a snack and on-the-go energy! I wouldn’t recommend a product I don’t really love.

review

So tell me, what flavor(s) are you going to try? πŸ˜‰

Shitty Mornings & Pizza DatesΒ 

It all started when I woke up to a damp, rainy day. I had fully intended the night before to smash my early morning leg day with my mom but my body told me differently in the morning. Instead of the energy and motivation I am so used to having before a workout, I felt sluggish and still not awake. I sometimes take a pre-workout drink with my pre-workout snack but I’m trying to not be so reliant on those. I still put on my shoes and headed to the gym in hopes of energy being regained when I got moving.

We made it to the gym, starting with a 5 minute incline walk and I still didn’t feel 100% when it was time to squat. Needless to say, this resulted in a terrible performance. I could only squat 60 lbs which is a little lighter than what I am used to, only doing 2 sets instead of of the 3 I planned to do. I was with my mom and found myself being snappy towards her which I later apologized for as she did nothing wrong and it’s not fair of me to take my stress out on her. We continued with the rest of the workout and I tried my very best. Towards the end I started feeling shaky so we lowered weight and did more volume work. I will note that I did eat before and always stay hydrated during my workout.

I left feeling like a failure. I tend to be a victim of the comparison game and I just do not understand why I am not getting stronger. I feed myself really well everyday, I am at a healthy weight, I give myself rest days…. But luckily, my mom reassured me that I am doing sooo much better than I was before and to not let a bad workout discourage me.

When I came home I had breakfast and got ready. While I was getting ready I couldn’t help but break out into tears. I felt sad and I didn’t know why. I changed my cute outfit 3 times until I caved and just threw on a T-shirt. Body image was a complete shit storm. TMI but it has a lot to do with waking up bloated and being constipated.

I lay on my bed sobbing like a little girl until I was dehydrated and tears stopped coming out. I pulled myself together and put on some makeup. I stared at myself in the mirror and almost laughed because of the mess I saw. I went to my mom’s room and told her I was breaking out, bloated, wanted my fucking period, and needed to poop. We actually started laughing because I find its sometimes best to laugh in these situations.

A couple hours later we headed out for errands and to grab lunch. Despite my terrible morning, I felt up for a good lunch. We tried Blaze Pizza and I started to feel a little happier. Mine had mozzarella, roasted peppers, spinach, banana peppers(new fave), mushrooms, garlic and oregano. All it all and it was delish!

blaze

We returned some things at the mall and while we were checking out I told the cashier she had the most adorable nails. Because she did! They looked professionally done and all glittery. She smiled and I could tell by the way she told us goodbye that my small comment made her happy. Seeing that makes me happy. You can choose to be a total hermit when you are having a bad day or you can try to brighten others… Who knows, you might just get some of that positive energy back πŸ˜‰

The entire day was on and off with mood swings. I had my highs and lows but I definitely know this has to do with my hormones not being right. Next Tuesday I have an appointment to see a gynecologist who will hopefully refer me to an endocrinologist. I had all the signs and symptoms of having a period but still no luck for me.

I decided to make this more of a longer post so congratulations if you made it this far through. I sometimes like to write because it allows me to reflect and just tell about my day πŸ™‚

What I learned is to not beat myself up over things not in my control. Yesterday just wasn’t my day. What helped get me through it was finding those people that make the day more meaningful and to still be there for support even when I was snappy. Mom, if you are reading this, thanks for putting up with my delusions ❀

Check out my new kicks ;Dconverse

I’ve never owned a pair of high tops before.

What do you do on days your hormones are being a bitch?

Ultimate pizza topping?

 

Restriction and Sweets

You have no idea how many times I have someone come to me asking this. So, lets just say this post is long overdo. I would make a video but I always forget things I want to say when I talk and I am not a fan of hearing myself on camera, hah…. maybe one day.

Okay, so you more than likely clicked on this post because you have dealt with restriction and/or the immense sweet cravings that come with it. I am going to make this as easy to understand as I can πŸ™‚

When you are restricting your body of adequate food/nutrition, your body goes into a “survival mode”. *This does NOT mean you are at a low weight necessarily, although it’s 100% true if you are underweight.

Restriction is when you are depriving yourself of food or avoiding certain things because X,Y, or Z, putting your body in a caloric deficit. This may either lead to weight loss, dizziness, fatigue, hanger, and/or extreme cravings. (To the grammar police, I said hanger and I meant it)

Let me put it this way…. When you are under eating what you should be or avoiding foods you crave, your brain is the first to be affected. Because our bodies run primarily on carbohydrates to function, your brain will let you know by losing concentration, being tired, sluggish, and of course hungry.

We all have a hormone called leptin. It targets the hypothalamus in the brain to control hunger and fullness. When you start losing weight, your leptin decreases as well which causes an increase in appetite and basically tells the brain you are starving. So your body tries everything it can to regain the weight lost to get back to it’s optimal weight. This may be the reason you constantly think about food and is another reason diets DON’T WORK. As you can see, it’s very important to have healthy leptin levels as it controls several bodily systems.

For those on the road to recovery from an eating disorder, these cravings are nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. It happens to everyone and it is just apart of the process. Now am I saying you have to have sweets every single time you crave them? No. But definitely do not avoid those cravings. That only keeps that particular food on your mind until you have it (can lead to binging). Honor them and have a treat when you want. You can gain weight on the safest and lowest calorie diet foods but that is not going to make you mentally recover. It just doesn’t work that way. You have to give up all the control and trust that what you are doing is for a healthy you.

Another cause of the intense sweet craving is low blood sugar levels. If you aren’t eating enough carbs or sugars in your diet, you better start. Especially if you keep feeling light-headed. No one likes to be around a crazy carb-avoider that looks like they will eat someone’s head off. But seriously, listen to your body and know what it’s individual needs are. You may be a person that needs more carbs than someone else to feel satisfied and to run your best. I am definitely one of those people. I like to have a snack only a few hours (or 30 minutes….) after a meal or else I get shaky and really irritable.

Mini rant:

You know those people on Instagram that have a day’s worth of food at the end of the night every single night? It’s because they restrict there intake during the day to satisfy all their sweet tooth cravings and not feel bad about it. But think about it, is that healthy for your body in the long run? I’m not saying eating sugar is bad for you, but it starts becoming a mental addiction to have tons of protein bars, diet ice creams, and sweets at night and the cycle continues. If they ate a normal amount of food during the day they wouldn’t be doing that. Not sorry if this offends people, you know I’m right. I am sorry for those that don’t realize they have this problem and continue to do it for more followers. K bye.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you listen to you body?

 

Making Moments Count

Sometimes, I find myself trying to find things to “fill the time”.  Whenever I am waiting for something or just have nothing to do, I fill the time with mindless things as I keep checking the clock to see how much time has passed. While this can be good if you are distracting yourself from something, why not use that time for something else? Make it count. You may be a little confused at what my point is so lemme give you some things I have been doing lately…

puppyInstead of doing things that I do not want to do like cleaning or scrolling through social media(which I still enjoy sometimes), I have been living life a little more carefree. The other day I took my dog in the backyard and just played with her. That was something I always used to do as a kid because I loved being outside and truly enjoying myself in nature. I was simply more mindful of my surroundings. I felt the damp grass on my toes, smelled the honeysuckle aroma in the air, laughed because my dog was eating a stick instead of bringing it back to me, and just didn’t give a shit what time it was or any obligations I felt I “needed” to do. Following that, I got my swim suit on and let my body toast under the sun.

pool

I wasn’t doing any of this to “pass time”. I was existing. I let all my worries or anxiety leave my body and felt like a kid again. We sometimes forget how precious life is and if you aren’t careful, the days will fly by too fast and you kind of regret not being more present.

This is true for how I spend my nights too. I sit down with my family to eat dinner and it’s no longer a chore and I don’t let myself sit in silence. I talk, I laugh, I eat, just like the rest of them. My voice is just as important and eating with your family is a time to enjoy good food together and just be with each other! It kind of makes me sad when I see that people don’t have this time of day with their loved ones….

I want to start living my life more spontaneous and with an open mind. I hate when I immediately assume the worst of a situation and I am working on changing it to being more positive and willing. This my friends is what makes life so much more meaningful. I know I have the best memories when I just let myself go. Life’s too fricken short to spend it worrying or waiting for the day to be over.

Live right now. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. Just live ❀