I had seasonal depression. Over the past few years around the time people start decorating for Halloween, I’ve feel sadness come upon me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays! But for some reason I just have felt dreary. Seasonal depression is not uncommon at all. When the weather gets gloomy and gray in the fall/winter, people tend develop similar emotions. *Side note that my eating disorder always got worse around this time as well.
This year is different. And I think I know why.
This year, I’m not unhealthy. This year, I’m not underweight, cold, sad- I feel content.
I have a layer of fat. I love that. It keeps me warm and I don’t look like I’m dying.
I have confidence. I am not afraid to speak up for myself. I can wear other clothes besides hoodies and sweats (Even though those are my favorites). I can make small talk with the person sitting beside me and not feel like they are judging me. Because they aren’t. Most people are not like that. I believe there is more good in this world than bad.
I don’t hate my body. I wake up in the morning, if I see a little bloat or pudge, I’m okay with that. I’m okay that I don’t have the “ideal perfect body”. I see muscle now, and I LOVE that. Something I never ever could attain without a healthy weight and eating a LOT!
I have friends. I may not be as social as I would like to be sometimes, but I don’t feel lonely. I make time when I have time to see people and make sure I carry on conversation with several people throughout the day. I am not alone.
You see, it’s not all about the weather. I firmly believe I have conditioned my mind to be more positive and open minded in other aspects of my life that a little snow and wind chill doesn’t bother me as much anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I no doubt have more motivation and energy in the spring/summer but I can live my life more efficiently now. That’s the best damn feeling.
So tell me…. Have you ever dealt with this?