I would say when I look at how far I’ve come in my recovery as a whole, I am almost a completely different person now and I am proud of my accomplishments. It didn’t occur to me until the other day when deciding what to have for lunch did I really question my mental recovery. Some part of me slipped and had the urge to eat a TON of veggies and quinoa and egg whites. Why though? It didn’t sound good…. I just felt like I “needed” too because of what I had eaten prior that day. But really, a good old peanut butter jelly sounded good. After standing in the kitchen for 15 minutes fighting with myself, I made my PBJ and instantly felt satisfied but I was just a little frustrated at myself for making such a big deal about one meal.
I would guess that roughly 90% of people with or with a history of an eating disorder have stumbled down the path of “clean eating”. I know I have gotten my head in a bunch thinking about ways to totally detox my body and eat only whole foods. When I realized that this was not only hindering my recovery but not getting me anywhere with my weight gain goals I stopped, but that doesn’t mean it just stops in your head.
We are all exposed to people with this kind of diet. It could be a parent, a friend, in a magazine you read at the doctors office, or of course social media. It is ever so stressful to try to challenge yourself when you have all these diet messages thrown around like crazy.
What really helped me was reminding myself that absolutely NO ONE eats “perfectly”. Some people would argue that veganism is the healthiest way to go, but for me personally, I CRAVE meat,dairy, eggs. I cannot imagine cutting those things out of my diet. Others would argue that paleo, juicing, gluten free, or “clean” food is the way to go. Not necessarily for YOU though. If someone chooses that lifestyle (disordered or not) then LET THEM.
We need to focus on OUR own health rather than spend time comparing or making yourself feel bad for what you wanted to eat.
I love having a wide variety of foods to choose from. To me, it’s what makes life so much more enjoyable and exciting. I can go out with friends and order what I want, not because I need to eat a certain way for comfort.
Sometimes we need to tell on ourselves and that’s what I’m doing in this post. I am not ashamed for having a struggle, I would be lying if I said I lived in a perfect little world everyday and just ate carelessly. I am human and recovery is a continuous process. Like I said, I am proud to say I don’t really have “fear foods” anymore, I have made emends with many foods and starting to accept my not-so-perfect body. I have come far, but some things just need more attention. I am continuing to work on this clean mindset and just seeing all foods as fuel for my body.
The only time food can truly end up hurting your body more than anything is when you stop eating it. Listen to your body and feed it.
So I’m curious…
Have you ever been pressured to eat a certain way because someone else did?
What is one food you would never ever give up?